On Death and Dying

My Mother's Obituary:

Elizabeth Baringer Barnes (Betty) was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on February 21, 1921.  Her parents were Ruth Stebbins and Henry Jay Baringer, III.   She is a graduate of Drexel Univeristy.   She was the secretary to the Headmaster at Pine Crest School in Ft. Lauderdale, FL from 1966-1980.   She is survived by her son, James Rolland Barnes and her stepson William J.A. Barnes and his wife Mary Agnes McCarthy. Additionally, she is survived by her grandchildren Elizabeth Mary Valencia, William Daniel Barnes, and Ann Dorothy Cunningham.  She had 5 great grandchildren.

She has one remaining sibling, Carol Acly McCray and one remaining sister-in-law Katherine Moore Baringer.   She spent her young adult years in Massachusetts, where she met her husband and raised her son James.  South Florida became her home in 1966 and she never wanted to leave it again. She survived her husband, William Allen Barnes by 24 years.  She died peacefully on Sunday, May 5, 2013.  She had a small memorial service on May 8, 2013.  She was actively involved in “Turtle Watch” in Highland Beach for many years until she could no longer navigate the sand.  Donations in her memory can be made to Gumbo Limbo Nature Center: http://www.gumbolimbo.org/

My Eulogy to her at her Memorial Service:

Elizabeth Baringer Barnes   May 8, 2013

My mother, Betty Barnes lived a very full and happy life.  I have been reminded these past few days that she was a woman of integrity.  You knew exactly where you stood with her, and yet she was incredibly kind.  Her favorite saying was:  “Every cloud has a silver lining.”  I sometimes teased her about this, but you probably remember her as someone who always found the positive in any situation.  

She was married to my father William Allen Barnes for 37 years and their greatest adventure was covering for missionaries on furlough in 1984-85 on the Ivory Coast, West Africa.  She was the secretary to the headmaster of Pine Crest School from 1966-80.  Because of that, my older niece Betsy and I both graduated from that school.

She was my protector, champion and support during my childhood.  Some of you know how important that was.  When the time came that she could no longer live alone, the logical decision was for me to live with and care for her during her final days.  It was not that difficult a decision to make.   She was able to meet most of her grandchildren in person and through the wonder of technology she was able to see and talk with them via FaceTime.  

I am so pleased that her 3 grandchildren, her only 2 nieces and her sister could be here today to celebrate her life.  Thank you all for coming.

I moved back to South Florida in April 2012 to live with and care for my elderly mother.   She was doing well; she was much more active and eating well.   I made her condo safer and more comfortable.  Early in 2013 I began to have a strong sense that this would be the year that she would die.   She was becoming more frail and her balance was worsening.  She was still committed to getting out and walking the complex using her walker.   She went out for a large lunch with a neighbor on May 3.   Late that night she began displaying flu like symptoms.   By Saturday morning I suggested that we go to the Emergency Room.   I gave her the option of using her walker to get to our lobby where I picked her up.  She had no problem getting down there.  She even entered the ER using her walker.  By that evening she napping a lot, but there was no indication of the rapid change that would occur early Sunday morning.   

She died peacefully:  her heart just gave out as they were catheterizing her.  Her D.N.R. order and Living Will were on file, but they weren't necessary.  

I saw my Mother's doppelganger at Publix yesterday. I stopped in my tracks. I ran into her again in the prepped salads area and told her how much she favored my recently passed mother. She is 90 and lives in Highland Beach.